Mommyhood

Nothing, no amount of advice or preparation, no book or magazine could fully prepare me for being a mommy. I fully enjoy this job more than any other I have had or dreamed of. I could not imagine how I would feel when I hold my daughter in my arms. If you asked me 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago, my answer would be the same I’m not sure if I want to be a mom. I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe I had made a mistake. What were my husband and I thinking? Our lives would forever be changed, never the same again. And it did change and I could never have imagined the wonderful way that it did. I have a new title, Momma. My daughter only has one, and I’m it. Yeah, I’m a mom to my dogs and I love them, but they’re dogs.

Being a mom has totally changed my life for the better. I am responsible for someone else. I can make her happy just by smiling at her and she returns the favor.  It has been an amazing process watching her grow and develop.  The teacher in me finds it fascinating, thinking about the way she is learning things.  She recognizes my face and smell and voice.  She’s learning to use her hands and she can get them into her mouth.  And she’s found her voice and loves to practice using it.  I find myself studying her every move.  The scientist in me can’t help it.  Her little brain is growing and learning.  She takes in the sights, sounds and smells of the environment and is already forming opinions, like she doesn’t like the smell of cigarette smoke.

I wonder what is to become of her.  I want her to have every opportunity.  I wonder what will become of me, will I be a good mommy?